We have all heard what an emotional rollercoaster infertility is, and I can attest to that having riden that rollercoaster for far longer than I ever imagined and ever believed I could. In these strange times it is like there is suddenly a new section added to the rollercoaster with a stop sign on it and the waiting time to start again keeps getting longer and longer. If things weren’t bad enough before, now you have external forces as a new roadblock.
With infertility you feel like you have lost control, not that anyone has control of their fertility, but you just can’t help feeling that way.
You plan, you prepare, you distract yourself. With no boundaries to this virus suddenly, the ability to plan has been whipped from under you, the clinics can’t yet say when they can re-opening and we don’t know when and which borders will reopen in countries and when flights will be resuming.
You can’t burn off your frustration in an exercise class or meet up with a friend for a hug and a chat. For some there is no longer the distraction of work and the nail in the coffin no savings to go prepare for the next cycle.
Also, it’s hard to hear the Corena virus babyboom jokes cos you know that no miracles like that are waiting for you.
The longer you spend on the infertility rollercoaster you tend to become insular. You distance yourselves from important people in your life. However, you don’t actually explain to these people why you are distancing yourselves. We can get so focused on ourselves and how things are not working out for us and it seems that the whole world is moving forward and we are left sitting on the edge. We forget our friend(s) have their our problems and need our shoulder too. It’s hard to be on the other side of being pushed away and not have an explanation for it.
I think in these times where we have been forced into isolation and social distancing it makes us realise how much we really need others. Thank God for advanced technology we can still get to see our family and friends but nothing can replicate being in the company of others, being able to reach out and touch someone that needs a hug or if you need one or just knowing they are right beside you.
Maybe from this experience we might be able to see our lives and problem from a different angle and we might not be so afraid to ask people for help or share what is really going on with us. Just to relish the people we have in our lives and be grateful for them. To be able to see everyone has a story, no one has that glossy life we image they do, we are all dealing with our own stuff
We shy away from our feelings so much as they can be very hard to deal with and process. One thing that can be very therapeutic is to write down how you are feeling about life in general and you fertility journey to date, not the ins and outs of your journey but the actually feelings. This is a really difficult thing for anyone of us to do as it’s so much easier to ignore and avoid our feelings. Most of us would opt to run a mile rather than sit with what is really inside our heads for 10 mins.
I know for me I eat my feelings away as I think a lot of us do. I would prefer to punish myself for overeating rather than actually delve into what the under lying issues are. But I write down stuff every now and again and it’s amazing the power of the pen it seems to drag words out of you. And how you feel a weight taken from you. As once you actually confront your feelings you begin to notice a few things you hadn’t seen before. And hopefully this will help you deal in a small way abit better about your current situation.
Most of all we have to remember that this too will pass. I know famous last words and when you are in the thick of it, whatever ‘it’ is to you they are hard words to hear. But in relation to the virus we are all in this together, in relation to our own personal circumstances please try to remember you are not alone. NISIG is here for you. You can contact us via email @ email@example.com, Telephone our helpline at 087 7975058. We will also be conducting our scheduled support meetings on line, details on website and social media pages.